About 17 percent of people indulge in self-harm in their lifetime, and it starts at the age of as little as 13.
Why are people harming themselves?
There are numerous reasons why people harm themselves, but one primary reason is self-hatred.
Self-hatred is a feeling of low self-esteem and self-loathing oneself, making one feel miserable. We often say derogatory things to ourselves in our daily life. It might not seem a big deal then, but it sure becomes one later!
Different factors in our lives force us towards self-hatred; it might be due to-
- negative early life experiences,
- lack of positive reinforcements,
- difficult relations,
- constant criticism, etc.
These unfortunate events lead one towards a dark path where it becomes hard to find the light. You can catch on early by observing certain behavioral signs and start working on them. There are some common signs to identify if you are filled with self-hate, such as:
- being too hard on yourself,
- thinking that you are not good enough,
- having a hard time accepting compliments,
- often looking at life as black and white,
- usually, accepting feelings as facts,
- hating everything around you,
- viewing yourself as a victim, etc.
These signs, if left ignored, can get aggravated into something terrible. This article will help shine some light on the darker effects of self-hatred but, at the same time, will also provide you with ways to fight against it.
Effects of self-hatred
We often ignore that we are being harsh on ourselves; at that moment, we might not feel it, but slowly we become the ones that deteriorate our mental health.
Here are some effects that can surface with time when you start to hate yourself
- Due to focusing on our flaws, we make ourselves more negative and less confident, which makes us lose sight of our strengths and good qualities.
- We often think we are not worthy of love and happines, making us miserable and sad.
- Through our constant self-hatred feeling, we might start to push away our families, friends, and the things we love, which give us happiness.
- We become self-destructive and catch on to harmful habits like drug abuse and others. In extreme cases, these self-destructive habits start turning into life-ending scenarios.
These effects of self-hatred shape our mental health into declination and make us more prone to develop mental health problems like anxiety and depression.
How To Deal With Self-Hatred?
We now have a pretty clear overview of how self-hate can make our life a living hell! But you need not worry; here, we have provided you with the easiest and basic methods to help you on your journey to diminish self-hate feelings within yourself.
1. Cut out toxic people in your life!
The most important thing for you in your life is your mental health, and sometimes certain people around you might disrupt it. Occasionally, we don’t even realize that there are people in our life who are generating negative emotions in us. They might trigger you to hate yourself, which can be lethal in the long run.
In times of need, one has to make a tough decision and emotionally detach themselves from people who might be the reason for all the self-hatred in life. Stop hanging on to such people in your life and start making relationships that are good for you and your mental health.
2. Write a journal!
Pick up a journal, start writing about your day, and always remember to spare no detail. When you finish writing, go through your journal and find those moments that acted as a trigger point for you and work on them.
As per a research published on PubMed conducted in 2017 by M Suhr and team, “Maintaining Mental Health Through Positive Writing: Effects of a Resource Diary on Depression and Emotion Regulation,” supports the fact that journal writing has the potential for stabilizing mental health problems and increases positivity in a people.
Journaling helps you to sort out your emotions, through which you can find the root cause of self-hatred feelings being generated within you so that you can work on it and start healing yourself.
3. Practice self-compassion!
How would you treat a child who hurt himself or an elderly who suffered a loss?
You might show kindness, love, and care for them. So, why not treat yourself the same way? Self-compassion might seem challenging, but it is still something you can work on.
As per a research published by Kristin D. Neff and Marissa C. Knox on “Self Compassion,” “Self-compassion appears to be a trainable skill that has immense potential for helping people to thrive.”
Therefore you can say that self-compassion is something that you might not achieve overnight, but when you work on it, you can help yourself by getting rid of the process of hating yourself.
Whenever you feel like going down the road of self-hatred, try to cut some slack for yourself! You deserve to be happy, and feel loved and cared for by yourself too!
It is okay to make mistakes! Remember, you are also a human, and making mistakes is normal!
4. Start meditating!
The sole purpose of meditation is to calm your mind and free it from all kinds of thoughts. Meditation helps you by making your life easier.
Put on some positive affirmations and start meditating. Try listening to those affirmations and free your mind from all those negative types of emotions and thoughts.
Meditation isn’t about being overwhelmed and hearing all your thoughts but is about how to accept the fact that everything is not under your control and it’s okay; just let them float away in your sea of calmness. Practicing different meditation techniques help you build self-love by focusing on your positive points, and by practicing it just for 5 minutes a day, you can see the changes!
Meditation helps bring positivity in life and teaches you how to deal with self-hatred like a pro!
5. Talk to a therapist!
Too much self-hatred sometimes takes a toll on us, and by talking to a professional therapist, we can sort things out in our heads. Therapists help you through some exercises that benefit you.
Moreover, it feels good to be able to talk to someone about your feelings. There are various mental therapy techniques, like Cognitive Behavior Therapy, that might help you start looking at your life from a new perspective. Having a person to object to your thought and help you find the root cause of your distress can benefit you.
6. Stop comparing yourself!
All of us compare ourselves all the time, and slowly we become habituated to it and continue comparing ourselves in our head and not even realize it. It exceeds so much that sometimes we don’t even realize it, but we still go on comparing ourselves. This act makes your perspective a very negative and self-loathing one.
Always keep in mind that if you want to strive in life, you are your own competition, not someone else. Instead of comparing yourself to others, keep your focus to improve the present you from the past you.
Research published in The Nursing Times by Warner D and Milne R in 2020 on “How the use of social media and social comparison affects mental health” states the after-effects of social media that lead to social comparison and then depression.
Instead of hating yourself, you can make your life easier with just two words, “Loving yourself.” The moment you start finding things you love in yourself instead of the things you lack, you grow better! Start appreciating yourself more because you deserve it!
7. Work on your mindset!
Mindset is indeed everything, and when you achieve a positive mindset, there is no end to it. A mindset is what shapes your perspective, and from person to person, it differs. How you look at yourself can be completely different from how others view you. At the end of the day, it is all about your perspective.
There are a lot of good things in you; all you need is just a positive mindset. This simple yet effective solution will not just make you see the good in you but also make you more productive and happier in life. After all, being happy is what matters the most in our life. Isn’t it?
8. Challenge your inner critic!
Sometimes, your mind becomes your biggest enemy. You need to have a proper and deep conversation with yourself at that time!
For example, if you feel that you hate yourself? Immediately ask yourself why do I feel this? And then challenge that answer too by saying that it is not true; there are good aspects to your scenario; it’s just that you haven’t thought about it. Keep on having this conversation until you convince yourself, even by a fraction.
This might sound a bit weird at first, but if you continue this, you can feel the benefit of those self-talks in your daily life. Slowly you’ll find fewer things to challenge and become happier in life.
9. Be more optimistic!
The very definition of optimism refers to the action of looking at the brighter side of things! Before starting to spiral down the self-hatred cycle, wait and ask yourself, is there something positive in this that I might be missing to look at?
By asking yourself, you can find a million reasons to be happier rather than blaming and hating yourself. Even if you don’t find one, always remember that things in your life are not in your control. Just stop blaming yourself.
When you change the way you view things, you might just find a new version of yourself! Move optimism from your choice to your need section in life. It is one of those things that you will never regret in the future!
10. Practice self-care!
In this world full of chaos and mishaps, we often ignore ourselves and stop treating ourselves like how we should! Remember, our life is not something to be taken for granted! So we need to take care of it properly. There are several self-care tips one can follow, starting by-
- taking yourself out on a date,
- Practice positive affirmations,
- spending some quality time with yourself,
- doing things that you love,
- making a proper schedule,
- saying ten good things about yourself daily, etc.
In this fast-paced life, pause for the sake of others and yourself too! This will help you be more positive and have a better outlook in life by making you fall in love with yourself!
11. Take out the idea of perfection!
How often do you wish to have a perfect life?
But, the issue with this concept is that it makes you more unhappy in life and makes you ask questions like do I hate myself? Just stop what you are doing and hear this loud and clear that life isn’t perfect at all! Perfection is just a myth, and there is and will always be something that might be better than the previous one. Stop chasing perfection and start finding happiness and love in your things.
By implementing this in life, you can feel more self-satisfaction than you ever felt. After all, how can we ever compare something to designate it as perfect? There are literally a million perspectives on a thing, and every perspective is unique in its own way! You just need to embrace it and make peace with it. Start by loving the existing you and abandon the idea of perfection!
CONCLUSION:
We need to keep in mind that emotions are very powerful, and we shouldn’t ignore them. Accepting your emotions and working on them is the most crucial aspect of living a fulfilling and happy life.
Self-hatred is a powerful word that carries a lot of negative power. If not resolved in time, it can cause adverse effects in the future. But no need to be alarmed; if you follow the ways mentioned above, it will be a piece of cake to change your “I hate myself” to “I love myself!”
Ultimately, everything comes down to how you look at things and shape your mindset according to them. Here are some tips on how you can change your mindset for the betterment of your life.
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The limiting and negative beliefs we hold can really be destructive if we’re not careful to be mindful of them. I try to challenge negative thoughts right away when they pop in my head and ask myself “is this even true?” and most of the time it’s not!