If you’ve been feeling lonely in a relationship and wondering whether it’s just you, here’s a heads up – you’re not alone.
Our romance knowledge, derived from romantic comedies and television shows, has taught us that having a partner means that you’ll never feel lonely again. And it’s not wrong. Feeling lonely in a relationship might seem absurd.
Aren’t you supposed to have a partner who wants to hear about your day? You always have a reliable company – whether it’s binge-watching movies, cuddling, or attending a boring networking event. What else does anyone want?
However, even with all that love and companionship, you still lie in bed wondering, “I feel lonely in my relationship.”
It can be one of the most unnerving and disturbing emotions you can feel. And yet, you’d be surprised to know how common this feeling is.
As per a survey conducted by Cigna, 50% of Americans felt like they were always alone and lonely. An astounding 40% felt like their relationships were meaningless. Another survey by the Pew Research Center found that nearly one-third of individuals who are unhappy with their family and married life identify loneliness as their major concern.
Even otherwise healthy relationships can have periods where partners feel out of sync and lonely in each other’s company.
The good news is that you and your partner can do a lot to ease these feelings of loneliness and establish healthy coping mechanisms the next time this phase arrives.
To help you get started, we have created a complete guide on coping with feeling lonely in a relationship. We’ll first dive into the reasons that can leave you feeling sad and lonely in a relationship. Following this, we will look at the ways to cope with this loneliness. Let’s dive in!
Why Are You Feeling Alone In A Relationship?
1. You’re not communicating in your relationship.
One primary reason you might see signs that you are alone in your relationship is that you and your partner are not communicating properly.
We often hear that communication is the key to successful relationships. But when was the last time you assessed whether you and your partner appropriately communicated?
Many times, your significant other lets you down or hurts you unintentionally. Since you haven’t communicated with them the extent of your hurt, you feel detached and let down. And the worst part? They have no idea you’re feeling like this.
2. You struggle with being vulnerable with your partner.
Feelings of loneliness in a relationship might also be triggered by resistance to honestly expressing one’s emotions to one’s partner.
You may struggle to open up about your feelings to others. Or you might have lived an extremely independent life up to this point. Now, suddenly, opening up to a whole new person or feeling dependent on them might not come naturally to you.
This can leave you or your partner feeling lonely in a relationship as you never really connect on a deeper level.
3. You expect your partner to fulfill all your needs.
If you’re tired of feeling lonely in a relationship, maybe it’s time to set your expectations right.
A lot of people become highly co-dependent in their relationships. They begin to build a whole world around their significant other. Their partner is their everything. And while trusting your love is good, being overly dependent on one person for your emotional needs isn’t.
A romantic relationship is only healthy if both partners have fulfilling lives outside each other’s comfort zone. This way, they can enjoy each other’s company without feeling dissatisfied or threatened by different circumstances.
4. There’s a lack of genuine effort in your relationship.
People often feel lonely in a marriage or a relationship when there’s a lack of genuine effort and connection in your relationship. Sometimes, people are so stuck in their mundane lives that they continue going through the motions without paying attention to their relationship. They might not find time for their relationship as they have different responsibilities to tend to.
What To Do If You Are Feeling Lonely In A Relationship?
1. First step: acknowledge it.
One of the best ways to deal with loneliness in a relationship is to acknowledge what you’re feeling simply. Once you accept that you’re feeling lonely in a relationship, you can figure out what’s causing it and devise ways to deal with it.
Therefore, spend some time reflecting on how you’ve been feeling lately. Be honest with yourself. Accepting that you’re feeling lonely while being in a relationship can be challenging. However, you will feel lighter once you find that acceptance within yourself. You might even allow yourself to address this feeling eventually.
2. Talk to your partner.
If you feel lonely in a relationship, we can’t stress the importance of talking to your partner. Research by the Journal of Family Psychology shows that loneliness is often non-relative in heterosexual couples. This means that one partner is completely oblivious to their significant other’s feelings most of the time.
Therefore, talk to your partner. Express your feelings and be honest. Ensure you don’t blame your partner or yourself during this conversation.
3. Be a little compassionate with yourself.
If you’re feeling lonely in a relationship, maybe you just need to start being a little less tough and a lot more considerate to yourself. While it’s a universal truth that you need other people, you also need yourself to survive and get through the day.
If you’re continuously telling yourself that you aren’t enough, beating yourself up for things you have no control over, or believing that you don’t deserve the love and respect of others – it’s unfortunately going to affect you a lot.
Therefore, if you’re in a relationship and feeling lonely, take some time out for yourself. Indulge in a guided meditation session or invest time in self-care. Recognizing your worth and importance is imperative to dealing with feeling sad and alone in a relationship.
4. Learn more about the love language of your partner.
All of us have a distinct form of love languages. The five primary forms of love languages are:
- Affirmation
- Physical touch
- Quality time
- Acts of service
- Gifts
Feelings of loneliness in a relationship often arise because partners don’t clearly understand each other’s love languages. Love languages explain people’s preferred ways of receiving love and affection. It tells you what you can actually do to make your partner feel better and loved.
Therefore, if you feel sad and lonely in a relationship, try communicating with your partner about your love language. Spend time understanding what exactly makes you feel close and connected to each other. Find out what makes you feel truly happy and valued. These small cues go a long way in strengthening your relationship.
Once you learn to speak each other’s love language, there’s no room for feeling sad and lonely in a relationship.
5. Avoid blaming your partner or yourself.
One of the best ways to cope with feeling lonely in a relationship is to avoid blaming each other as you comprehend through this journey. This makes your significant other feel cornered, and they might start acting defensively, which can aggravate the situation further.
Therefore, instead of starting conversations around what your partner isn’t doing for you, try communicating about your needs and feelings.
6. Discuss the root cause of the loneliness in the relationship.
Feeling alone in a relationship can manifest due to multiple issues. Therefore, to deal with it, you must figure out the root cause of your loneliness.
For instance, most couples start feeling alone in a relationship once the initial phase of interest transitions into a more stable journey. They miss the pursuit and the feelings of excitement that they once experienced with their partner. As a result, both or one of the partners can end up feeling lonely while in a relationship.
Similarly, there can be countless reasons that can explain why you’re feeling alone in your relationship. Therefore, spend some time with yourself. Indulge in activities like journaling that help you understand what’s harnessing these feelings inside you.
7. Seek professional help.
If you or your partner feel lonely while in a relationship, dealing with these emotions is necessary. However, sometimes, you might have no idea where to get started. Or you might struggle to have difficult conversations even if you want to.
During such times, reaching out to a couples therapist is one of the best ways to cope with feeling lonely in a relationship.
Contrary to the mainstream opinion, reaching out to a counselor or therapist does not mean your relationship has failed. It simply means you’re willing to put in the required effort to make your partnership work.
A couples therapist can help you outline your communication issues and develop healthy and nourishing ways to communicate with each other.
Conclusion:
Feeling lonely in a marriage or relationship is more common than people assume. However, it’s not something that you should expect or accept in any of your relationships. Feeling lonely in a relationship can often stem from communication issues, lack of empathy, and genuine effort.
While it can be debilitating, there are multiple ways to deal with these feelings. You can try spending more time with each other. Understanding your partner’s emotions, being empathetic, and speaking their love language can significantly help.
Additionally, reaching out to a professional therapist can help you cope with feeling lonely in a relationship. With the advent of online therapy platforms, you can now enjoy the benefits of therapy right from the comfort of your home. To learn more about the most affordable online therapy platforms, click here.
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