How To Save Your Relationships From Displaced Anger?

Do you notice that sometimes you are so mad and angry at something or someone that the anger takes over your mind and body? Have you seen those people on the road who are so pissed that they start yelling and cussing at minor movements that have caused them little to no harm? Have you ever had those days when you were really angry about something in your office and took it out by yelling at your loved ones? 

These situations are clear examples of what displaced anger looks like. Displaced anger is an unhealthy coping mechanism humans have grown to use to deal with our feelings. In practical terms, displaced anger means moving away from the actual cause of anger to the target that feels like the safer option. This person who you end up choosing like the target generally has no idea about the main problem and ends up bearing the brunt of something that wasn’t their fault, to begin with.

When you repeatedly use your family members or friends as punching bags for getting off your anger, it starts to eat away at the very foundations of your relationships. Displaced anger can eventually ruin your life by damaging your cherished life relationships. However, there is a lot that you can do to save your relationships from displaced anger. Let us dive deeper into the best ways to cope with displaced anger effectively.

Displaced Anger

Dealing With Displaced Anger

1. Understand Your Signs Of Anger 

The cause of displaced anger is mostly the same – you experience a certain situation where you are too scared, ashamed, or confused to express how you truly feel. The enemy could be something or someone in your office or home. Whatever the reason, somehow, you start to internalize the feelings of anger rather than expressing them. Unfortunately, these feelings can’t stay hidden for too long, and eventually, you end up bursting on your loved ones.

To eliminate this tendency of holding in anger and displacing it, you first have to understand the signs in yourself. Sit with yourself and identify the situations when you overreact. If you have difficulty understanding these signs, look at the people around you who model such behavior. The co-worker who gets worked up too easily or the family member who is too agitating in nature can serve as good examples. 

Once you understand these signs, you will be able to deal with them in a much healthier way the next time you start feeling them. Most importantly, you will be able to rationalize your anger and engage with it healthily rather than suppressing it. 

Read more: Top Anger Management Classes Explained

2. Identify who or what is the real enemy.

No matter how much you deal with the feelings of anger building up inside you, the most important step in coping with misplaced anger is finding the real problem behind your anger. So the next time you get angry, take some time out for yourself, breathe deeply, and try to identify what is fuelling those feelings of anger.

Most often, we push the real reason out of our consciousness and end up targeting someone we love. Fortunately, when you develop an internal pin-pointer to analyze the real issue, you will be able to deal with the epicenter of the problem.

Read more: How To Release Repressed Anger

3. Own up to your mistakes 

Most of the time, our relationships strain because we forget to take responsibility for our actions. Once you understand the causes of your anger and the epicenter of your hurt, it is time to deal with the damage of your displaced anger. Talk about your feelings and problems with your partner, apologize for your actions, and start afresh.

Additionally, try to find forgiveness within yourself too. Knowing that you have messed up your relationships can get overwhelming. With self-compassion and forgiveness, you will be able to deal with these feelings better and learn from your mistakes.


Displaced anger is the situation when a person directs their anger to an easier or accessible target rather than the real cause of the problem. It can cause immense emotional stress and lead to strained relationships and family bonds. We hope these ways will help you cope with the feelings of displaced anger.

However, if you feel that you and your partner have been having relationship issues deeper than what you can solve alone, it is time for professional help. With the help of a trained relationship counselor or therapist, you can effectively figure out the root cause of the problems and their solutions. Getting professional help has become easier with the advent of online therapy platforms. To learn more about them, click here.

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