Most of us try to be there for the people around us at work or in our personal lives. This comes from an innate desire to keep people in our lives happy. However, this tendency to be helpful can soon spiral into a consuming and taxing cycle of people-pleasing.
And while being a people-pleaser is strongly despised in society, it is deeply ingrained in us while growing up. Even though we value assertiveness, the ability to say no, and standing up for ourselves, we are continuously pressured to be subversive and self-sacrificing.
If you find it challenging to put your needs for others and continue to be present beyond your limits, it can adversely affect your mental health and well-being. This is why learning how to stop being a people pleaser is important.
In this post, we will dive deeper into some powerful tips on how to stop being a people pleaser and learn to prioritize yourself in life. Let’s get started.
Tips On How To Stop Being A People Pleaser
1. Remind yourself that relationships are built on mutual trust and care.
One of the best tips on how to stop being a people pleaser is to realize that supportive and healthy relationships are based on mutual love and support. So, if you are the one who always has to go along with the decisions made by others, then that’s probably a one-sided relationship. And if you are constantly in such draining relationships, it is important to take a stand and speak up for yourself.
It might not seem natural to speak out, but the only way out of this is to be real and direct with your views. Suggest some solutions on how you want your relationship to progress. Additionally, be open to listening to suggestions and explanations from others as well.
2. Learn to say no.
Constantly being there for people day in and out takes up a lot of your energy and time. It doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t enjoy showing up for your people. It’s just that sometimes you need to prioritize your health, well-being, and needs over someone else’s. Yes, it feels great to do something for others, but it might not mean so much if you are exhausted.
Additionally, when you show up for people constantly but end up feeling tired, you start resenting those who ask for your help because you can’t bring yourself to say no. This is why learning to say no is one of the most effective tips on how to stop being a people pleaser.
3. Voice how you feel.
When things start piling up in your mind and affecting your daily life, it is important to voice those feelings. So the next time you have a terrible day and someone asks you how you are, try to tell the truth. You don’t have to share all the details; just mentioning that you don’t feel fine right now can do much more than pretending to be okay.
Additionally, you also need to state your opinions when you are specifically asked to do so. If your project manager asks you how the group task is coming up, tell the truth rather than praising your teammates. This way, if your group doesn’t deliver at the end, the blame will not fall on you alone.
You get the gist, right? Be honest.
Read more: Navigating Low Self-Esteem In Adolescence
4. Be yourself, not the version that everyone else wants you to be.
Another tip on how to stop being a people pleaser is to be the real, true version of yourself.
Trying to be there for a friend who just had a breakup or a sibling who just got the promotion they have always wanted while having a bad day yourself is draining. Not only are you exhausted with your personal mess, but now you have support or be excited for another person. Well, FYI: you don’t really have to do this.
Burying your emotions and showing up for others is not going to manage your feelings. This is why it is essential you learn to keep yourself ahead of others.
People pleaser is a term that has been used a lot recently, especially in self-help circles. While being one is intensely despised, being there for others is ingrained in us from a young age. If you constantly struggle to be there for others but not put yourself on the line completely, this is the perfect place for you. We hope these tips on how to stop being a people please will help you get started on the path right away.
People pleasing stems from low self-esteem. To learn more about the signs of low self-esteem, click here.
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